How To Be Happily Married and Stay That Way Through Premarital Counseling

Almost every fairy tale wedding ends happily ever. However, married life in the real world is a different story. A Conscious marriage which can be learned and practiced in therapy keeps your relationship and family healthy.

Not sure if your marriage needs counseling sessions to stay healthy and strong? According to the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 48% of married couples undergoing counseling showed significant improvement in their married life. Get in touch today for the best marriage and family therapist in San Diego today!

Who is a licensed marriage and family therapist?

Before you even think about getting into couples therapy. It’s good to understand who a therapist is. The term therapist loosely refers to anyone that offers professional treatment. It can be a social worker, marriage and family counselor or psychologist offering marital and premarital counseling. One of the best in San Diego is Jan Rakoff because of her extensive years of clinical and personal experience.

Why Get into couples counseling?

One of the biggest misconceptions about therapy is that it is only for people with marital problems. One of the best ways to build a rock-solid marriage is to include relationship counseling early in your marriage. It is something that helps you build better communication and a strong foundation.

If you have hit a rocky patch in your relationship, couples counseling helps resolve conflicts without victimizing or hurting the other person.

Most couples get into counseling when it is too late or do not get into one at all. Build your conflict resolution skills today by hiring one of the best family therapists in San Diego for your premarital therapy today!

Common Techniques in Premarital Counseling

In therapy there are a lot of treatment techniques. Some of the most common ones in premarital counseling include:

Behavioral Therapy

Marriage and family therapists use behavioral therapy in premarital counseling to teach their clients how behaviors affect the people around them.

One of the key highlights of this type of counseling is helping clients improve emotional acceptance and behavior change. This element ensures the couple identifies the patterns that negatively impact their relationship and instead focuses on the positive behaviors that build a solid foundation.

Couples in behavioral therapy learn to communicate assertively and build working problem-solving skills.

Emotion-Focused Therapy

Are you or your partner struggling with past trauma? The best way to deal with that trauma in premarital counseling is to undergo emotion-focused therapy. Sessions in this category help you build a solid foundation.

A licensed marriage counselor will help you and your partner build a secure relationship that focuses on past trauma, abuse, injuries, or even health complications or conditions like cancer. It is never too early for engaged couples to tackle the difficult sections of their past lives.

The Gottman Approach

Wouldn’t it be great if your partner could respond to your emotional needs without spelling them out in black and white? That’s where the Gottman Approach comes in. The technique brings the couple to the same page when it comes to their individual emotional needs.

The Gottman Approach teaches you and your partner emotional intelligence so you can both align your needs and build trust and friendship in your relationship.

Benefits of getting premarital counseling in San Diego

Premarital counseling has a ton of benefits for a newly married or engaged couple. Two strangers living under one roof for the rest of their lives is a disaster waiting to happen if no one gives them pointers. Some of the benefits of premarital counseling include:

Better Communication

A healthy marriage needs effective communication styles. It’s best to learn how to talk to each other effectively before your wedding day. Many couples experience better connections once they learn to discuss their feelings in a safe environment.

Healthy communication helps build common goals. Your partner understands what you expect of them and what they expect of you.

You can talk about parenting, money, kids, and prepare for some of the common challenges couples face early in their marriage. Get premarital counseling after your engagement and enjoy a hassle-free union.

Conflict Resolution

One of the biggest causes of divorce between a husband and a wife is unresolved conflict. While a disagreement is normal, if unresolved, it leads to resentment.

Learn how to deal with conflict and repair in your marriage and process what your partner communicates before responding.

Cultivates trust and intimacy

Counseling sessions highlight all the strengths in a relationship as well as learning to repair the problem areas. The most important of these is trust. Once a couple establishes their communication styles, they can connect on a deeper level.

The focus is on resolving any current differences between the couple during the session and preparing them for the future. This ensures during the marriage life, trust is maintained. It’s no wonder that couples are encouraged to attend these sessions before they walk down the aisle.

Potential problems in marriage

There are a lot of problems that can come up after the wedding. How a couple addresses these problems determines how long the marriage lasts and avoids future conflicts. Some of these common problems a couple is likely to face and may come up in premarital counseling include:


Money management is a big hurdle that every couple must face at some point in their lives together. There are a lot of bills to pay in the house. How much does each person bring to the table? If one is not working, how does the other feel about providing? These are some of the questions a couple must answer. In addition, conflicts about money are often reflective of unresolved family of origin issues.

Tackle all the financial problems that may come up after the wedding with the best premarital counselor in San Diego, CA.

Unrealistic expectations

Most people walk into marriage with certain expectations. Some of these expectations are what diminishes intimacy and leads to resentment.

Religion, beliefs, and values

Each individual in a relationship has a set of values and beliefs that may differ from the other. Strong relationships require maintaining individual personalities where everyone’s opinions and religious values are respected.

Premarital counseling helps you address these differences in beliefs, values, and religion and build understanding and respect. Couples counseling prepares you for your life together identifying potential conflicts in your relationship. Discuss what your values mean to each other in a controlled, safe environment.


Premarital counseling helps couples address concerns regarding having a child in marriage. You can discuss the number of kids you want or whether not to have any at all.

Find out your relationship strengths before bringing another party into the relationship. Talking about child-raising, abortion, a miscarriage, or the loss of a child is laying important groundwork. It’s not too early to talk about toys, college, plus other expenses.

Roles in the relationship

One of the biggest challenges in a relationship or among newlyweds is defining their roles. Setting roles is a discussion most people fail to prepare.

Talk to your counselor and identify individual and shared roles in the relationship. It makes everything smoother when you both know what you are expected to do.

Date nights and activities together

Couples need to spend time together to grow strong. With busy schedules in the modern-day, plus many activities in marriage, you need to plan for time together consciously.

Extended families

Talking in-laws in marriage is a tough call. However, premarital sessions allow you and your spouse to talk about your relationships with your respective families. You can speak to your counselor about your childhood and your relationship with your parents and siblings.

If you have any problems with your in-laws, this is the right time to iron out any issues before you settle down. You can talk about any boundaries that need to be set up.


After a few years together, many spouses lose the element of communication in the relationship. The lack of which breeds trouble and a feeling of being left out and disconnected.

Let a qualified counselor teach you and your spouse effective ways of communicating your feelings in the different stages of your marriage.

Searching for Marriage and Family Therapists? Get the Best Premarital Counseling in San Diego, CA

Jan Rakoff offers the best premarital counseling for different couples in San Diego. She helps spouses connect and build deeper trust and friendship. Learn how to be happily married and stay that way. Call today on 858-481-0425 or book an appointment online!